What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
