I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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