She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
