I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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