I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
