Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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