i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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