bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
