and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
