Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
