I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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