i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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