I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
