Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just had sex on a roof
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
