i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize