someone owes me an orgasm
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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