you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
