the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
