just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
