Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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