Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
