Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
