I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
