The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize