I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
