just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
