He had one of those small greek statue penises
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
