You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
