if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize