someone get that fucking seahorse.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Someone shattered a urinal.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
