my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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