Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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