She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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