i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
