I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
