one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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