We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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