don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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