Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
