It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
