My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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