no, he came in my armpit
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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