bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
