Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
