the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize