If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
