My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
