What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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