yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
