it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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