i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
