I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
