I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
