I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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