omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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