Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just pynch a tree in the face
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
