you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
