Barsexuality is the new black.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
