it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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