The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
