i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
