so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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