maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
