even my farts smell like vagina
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
