I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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